More than One Way to Play: Neurodiversity & Play from the Perspective of a Play Therapist
Written by Dan O’Sullivan, MA, LCMHCA
Summer is upon us, and it means different things to different people—a welcome break or a stressful change; big fun in the sun or misery coated in sunscreen & sweat. For many, though, summer means more play.
In this post, I’ll talk about the importance of play, especially for kids; the intersection of play & neurodivergence; and play therapy as a helpful approach for many neurodivergent kiddos.
Play Matters..Seriously
One common perspective on play is that it’s “fluff”—fun, but not important. Yet I’d argue that play is crucial to the functioning & flourishing of just about everyone, regardless of age.
Doubting that? I get it. After all, I’m a play therapist; of course I’d say that.
But imagine a world without…
Sports
Painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.
Home decor
Flower arrangements
Fiction of any kind (novels, movies, etc.)
Music
Hairstyles
Daydreams
You probably get the idea.
Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott defined play as “transitional space,” meaning it stands in between opposite categories—one foot in the internal, psychological world and one in the external, concrete world. This is the zone between the actual & the possible, where growth & change come into being.
Yet while play matters across the lifespan, it matters even more for kids. Play therapist Garry Landreth captures this point in his book Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship:
“We know from the research of individuals such as [developmental psychologist Jean] Piaget that children are not developmentally able to engage fully in abstract reasoning or thinking until approximately age eleven. … The child’s world is a world of concretes and must be approached as such if contact is to be made with the child. Play is the concrete expression of the child, and is the child’s way of coping with his/her world.”
Piaget’s stages of cognitive development, in a handy-dandy chart. (Image source here.)
For the audio-visually inclined, here’s a delightful 90-second video by the Association for Play Therapy conveying the same idea:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reJpo-GaopM
Neurodivergence & Play
There are some special considerations around play with neurodivergent kids. Before getting into these, to ensure clarity about the term “neurodivergent,” I’ll quote Dr. Robert Jason Grant’s definition from his AutPlay Therapy Handbook:
“Having a mind that functions in ways which diverge significantly from the dominant societal standards of ‘normal.’ Autism, ADHD, sensory differences, and learning disorders are examples.”
One consideration is that neurodivergent kids may play in ways adults or their peers don’t expect or “get.” And related processing & regulation challenges might hinder play activities at times. Further, misunderstandings & myths—for instance, that autistic kids don’t or can’t play—can reduce opportunities for meaningful engagement, along with wounding a child’s sense of self as expressed via play.
With this in mind:
How might play therapy be helpful for some neurodivergent kiddos?
How can parents & other adults leverage the power of play to support the neurodivergent kids in their lives?
In the next section, I’ll address question #1, focusing on Dr. Grant’s helpful AutPlay Therapy framework. Then, in the final section for the post, I’ll outline my thoughts, as a play therapist, about question #2.
AutPlay Therapy: A Playful Perspective on Child Therapy & Neurodivergence
As developed by Dr. Grant, AutPlay Therapy is a framework for play-based mental health counseling with neurodivergent children and teens. The framework assumes the neurodiversity paradigm, which asserts that neurodivergence is a form of natural variation within the human species, rather than deviation from a “superior” norm. From this perspective, neuro-profiles such as autism and ADHD are not inherently mental health problems, even though they are frequently defined as such in healthcare settings & systems.
So why play therapy with neurodivergent kids, then? Well, as Dr. Grant points out, even if neurodivergence isn’t a mental health problem, certainly some neurodivergent kids experience mental health struggles! Such problems could be:
Closely related to challenges or limitations due to neurodivergence
Example: An ADHD kiddo’s impulsivity tends to derail their friendships, a pattern which brings anger, shame, & loneliness in its wake.
2. Basically unrelated to neurodivergence
Example: An autistic kiddo who experienced a frightening car crash begins to show emotional & behavioral changes suggestive of post-traumatic stress.
3. Related to the social-environmental context of neurodivergence
Example: An ADHD child who has always done well in school begins struggling with organization & time management as they enter __th grade. The child is viewed as “defiant” or “lazy” by teachers and develops increasingly low self-confidence & mood.
4. A mix of the above
Example: An autistic kiddo wants to make more friends, but quickly gets overstimulated during play activities with peers. It doesn’t help that their school does little to accommodate differences in social & sensory processing, typically responding to meltdowns & social miscues with punishment. What’s more, the child’s parents are in the thick of a contentious divorce. All this leaves the child feeling inadequate, helpless, & hopeless more often than not.
When a play therapist works with children with diverse neuro-profiles, they encounter one variation on an ever-present theme in play therapy: “How do I engage and support this particular child through play?”
As one aid to this goal, AutPlay recommends an integrative play therapy approach. This means the therapist incorporates ideas &/or techniques from multiple models or theories of play therapy, based on what best fits a given client. Reasons for this recommendation include:
Ability to tailor therapy to the child’s profile and needs
More options for engaging and connecting with the child
Potential for deeper insight into a child’s strengths, challenges, & preferences
In addition, the AutPlay protocol includes a more extensive assessment process than is typical in play therapy. The therapist seeks, over the course of about 4 assessment sessions, to get a comprehensive picture of the child’s profile, strengths, & needs, as well as those of the family. As with the previous recommendation, the purpose here is to guide development of a treatment plan that fits well for the child & family, rather than assuming that “one size fits all.”
Additional resources on AutPlay Therapy:
Website: https://autplaytherapy.com/
Book by Robert Jason Grant, 2023 — The AutPlay Therapy Handbook: Integrative Family Play Therapy with Neurodivergent Children
Do Try This at Home: Playful Parenting
In this final section, I’ll offer some suggestions for parents & caregivers related to neurodiversity & play, which could be applied at home and in other natural kid habitats.
#1: The power of play. As I’ve preached aplenty, play is critical to kids’ development, whatever their neuro-profile. A couple takeaways here:
Quality playtime with your child is a savvy investment in their learning & growth, as well as in the parent-child relationship.
Your child is the “expert of their play”—the highest authority on how different forms of play catch their interest and make them feel. They may not be able to put this expertise into words, but you might discover their expert conclusions via nonverbal cues like body language.
#2: The power of the feels. One reason for the power of play is that it tends to be pleasurable and therefore motivating. “Good feels” in play can feed a child’s perseverance & frustration tolerance on the way toward a goal or solution. On the flipside, extreme “bad feels” tend to drastically hamper one’s capacity to connect, self-regulate, and act thoughtfully—and that goes for kids from 1 to 92, with apologies to Nat King Cole.
First, a few suggestions when it comes to those tough feels:
When possible, try to identify triggers and warning signs that come before blow-ups or melt-downs, such as tiredness, hunger, or transitions. Work to address these underlying issues ahead of time, when possible.
Once things have ramped up to a blow-up or melt-down, focus on “riding out the wave,” as attempts to correct or teach are usually wasted at this stage. To borrow a saying from the Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) model: “When a child is drowning, don’t try to teach her to swim.”
Humans are very social animals, and it’s easy for a parent to “catch” their child’s upset feelings. During your child’s blow-ups or melt-downs, work to maintain your calm (or get it back again) so as to avoid unhelpful escalation. Another helpful saying from CPRT: “Be a thermostat, not a thermometer.”
Second, on the “good feels” side:
Take note of types of play that bring fun, excitement, & relaxation for your child. These could turn out to be “secret weapons” for helping your child rise to tough occasions.
Join in those “favorite” forms of play with your child as much as you can. Perhaps the only motivator more powerful than joy is shared joy…
#3: The power of curiosity. Just as AutPlay Therapy advocates for using integrative play therapy with neurodivergent kids, “integrative parenting” may also be called for. You may need to be especially creative and adventurous (“okay, let’s see if this works…”)—which can be hard and stressful, but also a beneficial growth experience (albeit one you never asked for). As a parent/caregiver, you are in a position to become the foremost scientific expert in the field of (your own kiddo’s) early development.
That may seem like small consolation when your child keeps screaming & throwing things, or is struggling to reach an expected developmental benchmark. However, maybe some of those experiences are opportunities to pose scientific questions:
What triggered this tantrum or meltdown? Are there patterns to when & how they occur?
What might be the message behind this tantrum or meltdown? Can you translate the Meltdownese into English (or other language of choice)?
What roadblocks are showing up on the path toward this unmet goal or milestone? When did they start, and what, if anything, might help to clear or reduce them?
One goal here is to pivot away from “control mode” toward “curiosity mode”—the latter being one of the commendable ways that grown-ups sometimes play.
